Friday, July 31, 2009

You Know You're a Mom When...

10. You get online to research some kind of ailment you think your son might have or eventually develop and find yourself having a slight panic attack over the millions of things that could go wrong with him. "What's wrong with that scab?" "Why hasn't he pooped in two hours?" "Why is he smiling so much?"
9. High pitched anger screams that nearly shatter windows in your home no longer have an effect on your ear drums and you are able to continue digging the booger out of his nose without even flinching. Your ears might be bleeding, but you don't feel a thing.

8. Bathing your son becomes a daily occurrence as his poop force reaches new and amazing levels.

7. Watching your son roll from his back over onto his tummy is probably more exciting that the first time you learned to drive, got a kiss or received your first paycheck. I don't remember calling nearly every person in my family and sending out e-mails when any of those three things happened.

6. Toddler Tunes is constantly playing on TV and in your head.

5. Nine-thirty p.m. has now become my most favorite bedtime in the world.

4. Too tired to finish running all of your errands, you turn to the magic of modern technology and order diapers from amazon.com

3. Your husband, who works nights and stays home with baby during the day, calls you at least three times before noon to ask you questions about baby's schedule and when he should be sleeping and what he should be doing oh and when will you be home to feed him and then manages to call you another four times before you're able to come home at three.

2. You have scratches on your neck, arms and tummy not from a cat but from your sons freakishly long fingernails and toenails that you clip like every other day but they still grow back like claws the next morning.

1. I still maintain that boobs that breastfeed will withstand nuclear explosions. Once you get past that awkward and painful struggle of teaching baby to eat you then move on to the next stage of torture: Breastfeeding a teething baby who thinks its funny to bite. Ouch.

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