Thursday, April 1, 2010

Calling out those blasted "What Ifs"

Sometimes its rough being a grownup and you find out that the wonderfully padded and flowery environment your parents helped create for you is actually a wall full of spikes gradually closing in on you. You know, like the kind you see in cartoons like Scooby Doo or Penelope Pitstop- I think there might have even been something like that in Star Wars...maybe...don't hate me if that's wrong.
Recently Jeff and I have been talking about a move or a job change of some kind. We're ready. One of us needs a better job or we both need to just get different jobs with better schedules. What we have now is so stressful and, I think, unhealthy for our relationship as a couple and as parents.
But what do you do when you finally decide you're ready and NOTHING happens. In the past year he and I have applied for so many jobs. I don't want to sound conceited, but I think we have pretty good job qualities. I mean, look at the jobs we have now. That's a lot of responsibility on two people who aren't even in their late twenties yet! But still, nothing. It's so frustrating and, at times, consuming. Sometimes its all we can think and talk about. The what ifs. I hate those. I just want to get rid of the what ifs.
We've just become so discouraged lately with a lot of different things and its hard to remember that we are actually very blessed. We have a good marriage (though, it takes work every day), a beautiful little boy and dog (who smells like deer pee). We are able to pay the bills each month, we have a roof over our head (although we'd like to buy a house but amazingly can't afford one in Hell-ena on our salaries). I just want everything to be answered. I want to know what I'll be doing in six months. I want to know if things will change. I want I want I want. Those are a lot of wants. Do we need to know where we will be in six months- no but it would be helpful since we are interested in that next step. Do I need to know if things will change- well, that's the mystery of life- but it would ease my heart and my mind if we did.
I know that things happen for a reason and we are being steered down a specific path by the mystery that is God but COME ON! Shine a little light our way, pretty please!!!! We are ready and willing- we just need that extra little nudge.

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