Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Descent Into Mombiehood

Have any of my readers seen that new TV show called The Walking Dead? Not hitting a target?
What about Night of the Living Dead?
Still nothing?
How about Shaun of the Dead?

Notice how all of these titles have a similar word? Well these shows also have another something similar. People/things or whatever you call them that look like THIS DUN DUN DUN

Scary huh. This episode of The Walking Dead gave me nightmares.

Sometimes the above pictures is how I have come to feel in the mornings. Now I'm going to set the record straight. I'm not the possessed-flesh eating creeper that Hollywood portrays these characters as.
I'm not a Zombie. Correction. I'm a Mombie. That's right. I've coined a new term.

Back in my younger days circa 2003-2008 I could go to sleep at 11:00 p.m. and get up at the butt-crack of dawn (5:00 a.m.) to go to the gym and work out and then go through all the motions of the day and do it all over again the next day. I didn't need coffee. I had tons of energy. I was Ah-may-zing!

Now there is never enough time to sleep. I go to bed at 9:00 p.m. and around 5:00 a.m. my son starts to stir. This is where the Mombie in me takes over. I lurch from my pillow, hair askew, saliva probably still damp on my chin from where I was drooling (sometimes I do that). It takes me a minute. Then Caderyn lets out another "squawk" and the Mombie walk begins. Left foot right foot one in front of the other. Sometimes the right foot might drag a little if its still on pins and needles from the heavy sleep I was in. A sort of "mombie walk" if you will. Is the visual good enough? Arms hang limp by my side, my posture slightly leaning forward. On my path to Caderyn's room my feet usually come into contact with a truck or a book or something sharp. I barely flinch. I feel no pain. Only the gray cloud of grogginess with one thought of my mind.
Good heavens. Coffee.
Before heading into Caderyn's room I must turn on my coffee pot and hear the sweet, sweet sound of the boiling liquid start to drip. It's glorious!
With that sound, my brain starts to awaken a little.
I move on into the Bubs room where he is usually his happy little self. I let him show off for me before I pick him up. He usually flirts with his momma a little or wants to show me how he knows that names of the animals that decorate his walls. I nod my head in approval and "Mmm-hmmm" because I haven't yet gained the ability to speak. Plus, I usually still have my night guard in. This prevents me from grinding my teeth at night and getting horrible migraines. It's amazing. Completely un-sexy according to Jeff, but ah-may-zing.
Once Caderyn is ready to get out of bed I'm awake and moving- kind of. I give soft little cheeks kisses, change a diaper, give more kisses and then send the Bub on his way. He usually heads right toward his trucks and I head to the couch where I rest my heavy head for just another minute or two, enjoying the coffee smells as they fill the house and the sweet little jabbers of my son.

Once the coffee is ready and my son has done his morning "thinking" oh yeah, I went there. I'm busting into light speed and proving to the world that I can get ready, do laundry, feed my son, pick up toys and get him dressed in under 30 minutes. Jealous?

In conclusion, I'm no longer a morning person any more. I used to be. But then I had a child. Now I'm a forced morning person. Also known as a Mombie. I struggle to get going. I struggle to open my eyes. I struggle to walk and to talk.
But I'm not a Zombie. I'm just a Mombie making her way through the dark house in the morning toward a little boy who gets up entirely too early.
That's okay. I could smooch his cheeks all morning. I love those things. Not in the Zombie way.
Just the Mombie way.

In addition: After further observation of my Mombie state in the morning I would also like to add that my eyes struggle to function in the morning too. I can't get them both open at the same time So one after the other I open and close them, trying to awaken and focus but the end result is just another addition to my scary morning Mombie state. Maybe one day I'll take a picture and frighten you all. Dun dun dun!!!
P.S. This is copyrighted by me. This was created for my readers enjoyment by me, from my own mind. Enjoy it. Don't steal it. Plagarism is a c-r-i-m-e. I learned alllllll about it in Journalism school.

1 comment:

The McGregor Clan said...

Love this post. It made me smile. I love mombiehood too.