Friday, January 14, 2011

Emerging from the Darkness

I've been meaning to post the last of our Phoenix trip pictures.
But I couldn't bring myself to do it.
These past few days my mind has been in a dark place. A place haunted by the forthcoming absence of my husband and the responsibility of our family heaped upon my shoulders. I just about lost it yesterday and broke down at work. But I didn't. Thank God.
Instead, I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. A person with crazy, frizzy red hair and pale skin with freckles stared back at me. This person is supposed to be me but sometimes I don't feel quite like myself.
Yesterday I felt claustrophobic and skittery all day long until we picked Caderyn up from day care and were all together as a family. I felt like Piglet from Winnie the Pooh. Always worried, always jumpy, always expecting the worse.
Today I am fine. I have climbed up from the black hole I fell into this week and feel more like myself. I almost feel like The Hulk. But not angry. And not so willing to take my clothes off like that green guy is.
This transition that will take place soon is going to turn mine and Caderyn's world upside down. I've come to that realization. After thinking and thinking and thinking about this change until my brain hurt I have also come to a very assured conclusion that this change that takes my husband away for 10-whole-weeks will be a very good thing for our family. Maybe even one of the best decisions we've made as a couple.
My journey through this transition will be filled with some dark days when I feel alone and at my wits end, but, as I keep telling myself, tomorrow is a new day.

Pictures of our sweet cooking class coming VERY SOON.

3 comments:

mama Lisa said...

When you feel down again just remember this Bible verse, it always helps me...

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 29:11

Jess said...

Sarah, I'm not quite sure why your husband is leaving for 10 weeks, and its really none of my business. But I can relate to how hard it is. My husband leaves alot for work (MTANG), months at a time. And the occasional 12 month stretches. He was even gone for 6 months while I was pregnate. I don't live far away, I know your life is already very full of people who love you and will be there for you, but one more can never hurt. : )

Sarah said...

thanks Jess and Lisa. Jeff's heading out for basic training in Georgia and will get back at the end of March.