You see. Not every family picture turns out hunky dory.
I have been reading lots of different blogs lately from lots of different sites. And by lots of blogs, I mean LOTS of blogs. Some of them I really like. Some of them I don't. Some make me laugh. Others make me roll my eyes.
I started blogging as a way to keep in touch with family and friends who wanted to know what we were up to. I also started blogging to feed my never ending journalist's desire to write about....something...anything.
This obviously helps, although, it is taking precious time away from that book I told myself I'd write but still haven't started yet...that's a whole 'nother story.
Something that keeps bugging me when I read the majority of these blogs is the happiness.
I find it hard to believe that so many of these blogs can express so much happiness in marriage, parenting, life in general and material goods all in one complete package.
Don't get all huffy on me. Maybe some of these people really ARE that happy in everything and well off enough to buy whatever they want and jet away on a vacation whenever they feel like it and afford to stay at home and not work. Maybe each and every day is a big confetti covered smile for them. AGAIN- DON'T GET ALL HUFFY ON ME JUST KEEP READING.
But what about the reality- the truth?
There is a lot of happiness in my life. I'm happy in my marriage and my family, I'm happy I have a job-- though most days I would prefer not to have one and just stay at home and bake cookies all day (seriously, that's all I would do).
I'm pretty happy with my life.
But, it is by no means perfect.
Jeff and I fight. There are days, like last Thursday, when all I could do was nitpick at Jeff and complain about how I felt I did everything around the house. Then, I bossed him around until the house was clean and neither of us wanted to talk to each other again until bed time. Then, remember that time when Jeff was gone for three months for his basic training with the military? Yeah, that was super hard on this gal. Most days I was able to stay pretty positive and keep on trucking through each and every day (I had a lot of wonderful help from family and friends), but there were some days when I was overwhelmed with feelings of resentment and loneliness.
I love being a mommy, but sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out for raising more kids. I look at myself now and see how much of the old me I've given up to take on this new role of "mom." It's wonderful and I love Mr. Little Man to death- my heart beats for him. But there are times when I can't help but wish for the days when my life was run by me and I had all day to do whatever I wanted. There are also the days when nothing I do seems to make my child happy and then I seriously begin to doubt my credentials as a mother. Those days when my patience is short, the tears flow heavily and I worry about emotionally scarring my child by telling him "No" or turning on the television so I can have some time to collect my thoughts and regroup.
My husband and I don't own our own house- yet. Some days it feels like we never will. We have been saving since we were married and there's still no relief in sight. Our savings for a house does keep growing little by little, but so do the prices on houses in the town we live. Why would anyone pay $250,000 for a 3 bedroom 1 bath house??? Seems a bit ri-donk-ulous.
We live on a budget and sometimes we bust that budget to kingdom come. Each month we carefully construct a budget for the next month determining where our monies will go. What goes into house/Christmas/ vacation/ college savings and what we need for groceries and bills.
We also can't buy anything we want at the drop of a hat. I rarely shop online and I do occasionally buy myself some new clothes every once in a while, but it's usually for work. I go to garage sales and consignment stores for Little Man's wardrobe and I think its amazing! This past weekend I visited my favorite consignment store Once Upon A Child in Great Falls and got 5 shirts, one pair of shorts and three pairs of jammies (all 3T- the size we'll probably be in by fall) and a bag of trucks for the "potty jar" (more on that later) for $39. Each and every one of these pieces of clothing was from a name brand store- Gymboree, Old Navy, Gap or Carter's and most of them still had their tags on. I think that's a pretty good deal! I also went garage sailing with my father-in-law and got Caderyn two new shirts and a book for .75. YEAH!
We don't go out to eat all that much and I don't take pictures of my food (usually because I eat it before I even think about taking a picture). I have my favorites-- like cupcakes--that I write about occasionally.
I do bake desserts from time to time and I might have taken one or two pictures and posted them online, but that's because they were something I'd never tried before.
I don't have sponsors and I don't get free stuff.
I don't craft and most of my home furniture is second hand.
I don't have a fancy camera and I don't shop in vintage stores.
But that's okay.
There are thousands of other gals/mothers out there in the same boat as me.
Not every day is a smile. Not every day is a breeze.
But we're real and that's all that matters.