Wednesday, July 20, 2011

AN EPIPHANY AT 26

These past few weekends of July I have not had my child.
I have been working pretty much non-stop and have given up my parental duties in the place of running around campus all day catering to the needs of others. Not my child's needs, other people's needs.
So my parents have been watching him-- so thankful they are here for the summer!
My in-laws have been watching him--so thankful they live only an hour away!

Without my child I have also found an unusual amount of time to myself.
Jeff and I have been able to go on a date. We have been able to go to a movie. We've just sat around looking at each other a little lost about what to do without our child. We have been able to actually go out after 10:00 p.m.

But this past weekend I was downtown, and, sometime around 1:30 a.m. (gasp!) I had an epiphany.

I wanted to be at home.

I wanted to be at home in my bed. I wanted to be wearing comfy stretchy pants. I wanted to have Jeff snoring loudly next to me. I wanted to smell the warm summer breeze as it floated through our open window. I wanted to hear the soft electronic hum of our baby monitor, occasional sighs from Caderyn echoing just a room away.

I had decided I was done with this nightlife scene. It only took me 26 years to realize this.

I do like going out with my friends and chatting and sometimes shaking my moneymaker. I firmly believe all ladies and gents alike need some time away with their friends. I can still go out- but once in a blue moon, and I don't think that I really need to be out past midnight every night during the weekend. I don't think I need to be guzzling beers or taking shots (I didn't, but I'm trying to go for major emphasis here). I'm not looking for a man, I have one of those thank you very much. I'm not looking to make friends down at the bars and I'm not looking to push the limits of my youth.
I am a married woman, closing in on the big 3-0 (It's only 4 years away!) and I really, at that moment, just felt the desire to be a homebody. I wanted all of my family tucked soundly into bed, the house picked up and the remnant smell of a home cooked meal still lingering in the air. I wanted to be thinking about the fun we could be having the next day. Baking something sweet in our kitchen, playing in the yard or snuggling up and reading.

Having reached this conclusion, I found myself a bit depressed but also very, very happy.
A little depressed, because the carefree days of my youth are no more. Oh well, they weren't all that great anyways. I was always studying to get good grades, always working or always dating Jeff.
Kinda sounds like my life now- kinda studying all the time, kinda working all the time and kinda being Jeff's wife and Caderyn's Mommy.
But I'm okay with this. I'd rather spend my Friday nights ordering a pizza, going for a walk together or having a play date. Once Caderyn is in bed, I'm perfectly content to pick up my house (or not) and lounge on the couch with Jeff watching a movie or even crawling into bed early to read.
I would rather spend my Saturday mornings in our pajamas before heading to the Farmer's Market. I love lazy Saturdays where there are no time limits.
I would just rather spend my time tidying up my house, getting caught up on laundry, playing cars with Caderyn or cooking a meal for my husband.
I get to do so little of that now, it sounds like the most wonderful weekend in the world!
So it is now, at the ripe ole' age of 26, that I have reached adulthood.
Where I now find that some things are so much more important than others and I feel like a whole new set of doors has opened for me revealing the most beautiful pathway of motherhood and family that I can hardly wait to embark on.
Now, if only the summer would end and I can get my son back from his extended vacations.
Next week! Hooray!

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