Sometimes, it feels like I just can't get a full breath.
Like these last two weeks where every second felt dragged out. Every doctor's appointment felt like an eternity and the questions I have stretch for miles.
So I went back to the doctor yesterday. I had another ultrasound and saw the gummy bear baby in my tummy which was AMAZING. Every time I see that little munchkin I want to cry. Then I was told my infection wasn't better, so they switched my antibiotics. I was also told they needed to cauterize something on my cervix.
Let me just say that was one of the single worst moments of my life.
The doctor didn't really prep me for it. She said it was just better to get it over with.
So mid sentence she cauterized whatever it was that needed cauterization and the echos of my screams and curses rang through the hall.
I'm a bit traumatized from it.
And really, really sore.
I'm also bleeding again and cramping...but I don't know if that's normal as part of the cauterization and all of the exams I had yesterday. Part of me wants to call my doctor right now. Part of me keeps saying to relax.
I have never wanted to keep something so badly in my entire life and the fact that I have absolutely no control over any of it just terrifies me.
So I am waiting until noon and if the bleeding stays the same I am going to call.
Sorry for the graphic nature of this blog. I've just got to write it out so it doesn't make my head explode from thinking about it too much!