Tuesday, April 24, 2012


Yesterday, I took a half day off from work and spent some quality time with my buddy.
After a busy lunch time, we both lay curled together on his bed talking and singing songs.
Caderyn's brother, Gabriel, likes it when we sing and usually makes his presence known.
My belly started moving and shaking and Caderyn actually noticed.
As my right side moved and bounced as his little brother-to-be joined in on the fun, Caderyn placed his hand on my belly and felt a good strong kick from his brother.
It shocked him I think. This being the actual first time Caderyn has felt his brother moving in my tummy. He quickly pulled his hand back and asked a stream of questions.
"What was that?" That was your brother, Gabriel.
"What is he doing?" He is moving and saying hello.
"Is he saying hello to me?" Yes, he likes it when you talk and sing.
"Is he born yet?" No not yet. He still has to grow some more.
"And then he will come out and meet me?" Yes, he will. He's very excited to meet you.
"I'm happy to meet him. I will love him."

As a mother, I find myself experiencing moments where I can actually feel my heart swell with emotion and love. It feels as though my whole chest is filled to the brim. It just overcomes me and makes me get a little sentimental. This was one of those moments.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about what it will be like sharing myself with two children. I've worried that Caderyn will miss out on love and not get the attention and direction he needs. Or vice versa for Gabriel.
I think most parents go through this. 
All I needed to scare away those silly thoughts was that one moment together on his bed with his hand on my belly.  
Caderyn will be a wonderful big brother.
He talks all the time about taking care of Gabriel and keeping him safe.

He talks about reading to him and playing trucks.
I know there will be moments when Caderyn will be frustrated with his little brother and will want nothing to do with him, as all siblings do at one time.
But, I also know that our Gabriel will be the luckiest boy in the whole world having a big brother as kind, funny, and enthusiastic as Caderyn.
They may not always like each other, but they will always love each other.
I will make sure of that.

Being a parent, you see parts of your former self fade away.
The former me who used to go out on weekends and didn't think twice about buying a new outfit. The former me who really only thought about ME.
Now, my life involves my husband and my children and making sure they are taken care of.
The former me is still there, just in a different sense. The former me now likes spending time at home and making sure everything is in order. The former me doesn't really think about me all that much anymore, but rather focuses on my children and husband and how they are doing and what they need. The former me loves just sitting and holding my oldest son for the few seconds he will allow, or the feeling of my youngest kick impatiently inside of me.
This person I have become has so much love to give and I am reassured each and every day that sharing myself and my love with a growing family will not be challenging at all, but more rewarding and enriching than anything I have ever done in my life.
I don't see my love as having a limit anymore, it is endless and encompassing for all the boys in my life.
They will never, for one second, feel like I don't love them enough.

I felt a little bit of that overwhelming Mom love yesterday. I felt it delivered by my youngest son's foot as it connected to my oldest sons hand through my skin.
I felt the bond they already share as brothers and the love for both just filled me to the brim with happiness.
I can't wait to have this baby and watch our family grow!

1 comment:

Sara said...

Loved this post!