Wednesday, May 16, 2012

J'AIME BIEN

I am a mother.
That is how I identify myself these days.
There is the occasional day when I identify myself as "diva extraordinaire," but I'm sure we all have those moments.
Mother of one son, soon to be a mother of two.

As a mother, you learn to be unselfish.
You put your children first--always.
You want nothing but the best for them.
You want nothing but for them to grow up in this crazy world and be okay.
As a mother you try to teach them manners.
You try to teach them empathy.
You try to teach them love.
You want them to be knowledgeable.
You want them to be happy.
You want them to be kind.
You want them to laugh.


Sunday was my fourth Mother's Day. It was my favorite one yet. (I know I'm behind in this posting, but, seriously, I was deeply enthralled with a seriously important book)
Caderyn went up to the cabin with his grandparents for Saturday night.
Before he left, Caderyn ran up to me and gave me a hug goodbye,
"Take care of yourself, Mommy."
He told me before rushing into the car. He was ready to go.
I sat there just laughing. How would he know to say that? Does he understand that?
Who is this sweet little man?
Saturday night I had the whole house to myself (well, Jeff was there but he was studying and taking a test so he really wasn't there).
I slept in on Sunday.
Jeff made me breakfast.
We cleaned.
My best friend came over for a quick visit and laugh before she had to head out of town.
Jeff and I saw The Avengers.
And then Caderyn was home and we snuggled. He splashed in his pool with nothing on but his birthday suit.
Then he got chilly and he allowed me to hold him, wrapped in a towel, snuggling against my body for warmth.
He chatted about fishing and swimming and books and shows.
He asked what he was going to be doing this week.
This little man...he likes to have a plan.

I held him close. My only child, soon to be my oldest child. No longer my baby.
It used to be that a full day of shopping, drinking with friends or three hours at the gym made me feel fulfilled.
And sometimes you need that sort of fulfillment in your life.
But I didn't.
Not in that moment.
All I needed was my sweet, shivering little boy snuggling close to me for warmth.
All I needed was his constant chatter to let me know, we are actually doing a pretty good job in raising our child. I always have those moments of doubt.
All I needed was that moment as a mother, the sun sinking slowly down, the smell of lilacs blooming and my happy guy close to remind me that being a mother is rewarding.
It is challenging, frustrating, disgusting, intimidating, scary and full of second-guessing, but, above all other things, it is rewarding and fulfilling.
Other people may not feel that way about being a parent.
That's fine.
But they weren't there with me, in that moment, feeling the love and content I felt.
I am a mother.
I love it.



**Disclaimer** I know I said I wasn't doing any more posts for some time 'cause I was reading. But, I finished the first book and have moved on to the second book. I needed to take a little break from the marathon that is Ana Steel and Christian Grey. Whew. Those two are exhausting with all of their murmuring, lip biting and...other...stuff...

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