Wednesday, October 24, 2012

METH DEER

Whoa, you guys!
I was totally having a crap day today. Oh yeah.
Like I was on the verge of tears. It was totally awesome.
Just lots of stuff happening at once and I would fix one thing and then another thing would pop up.
The breaking point had to be when my car started to sound like it was DYING. No joke.
Like it sounded like a cat made of metal had crawled up under my right tire and was dying a really slow and painful, painful death.
It freaked me out, especially because that is our family car right now. The car we HAVE to use for everything. So I drove it to the shop and as I drove people were looking at my crazy, dying cat sounding car.
The car place drove me back to work and I sat down at my desk and just felt completely overwhelmed.

But then two amazing things happened:
1. The car place called. It was only a rock that had gotten wedged up in my tire. No charge and no dead cat made of metal. It must have been a freaking huge rock to make that noise!
2. Someone stopped by my office with not one, but two chocolate chip cookies just for me.

Now, generally, as a rule I don't eat sugar during the week. But it was like God understood I was overwhelmed and needed a little reassurance. Reassurance in the form of healthy cars and cookies.
God was all like, "Hey, I can see that my favorite redhead is a little stressed right now. I know, I will send her good news AND sugar to let her know I'm thinking of her!"

So I ate them. I ate them both and I didn't feel the least bit guilty about it.

Moving on.
Yesterday I had an event occur that made me question the color of my hair.
(Red if you didn't already know)
As some of you know from my past posts, we have what I like to call meth deer in our neighborhood and pretty much our entire yard.
Let me explain our situation a little bit before I explain what meth deer are. The house next door to us is completely vacant and unused. An elderly couple used to live there, but they have both passed away and the children haven't done anything with the house. So there it sits. Unused and uncared for. Oh and the deer think that yard is their party place. They throw some pretty raucous parties in that yard, and when they've drunk too much of their deer beer they spill over into our yard. Our house sits on a double lot so we have a huge yard and the deer like to carry their shenanigans and pebble shaped poop onto our property.
I'm not okay with this.
So I know you're wondering, "What are meth deer?"
Meth deer have one or more broken body parts from either being hit by a car, slipping on ice or trying to get through a fence. They walk around with one leg flailing or with half of an ear until they either get an infection and die or the city puts them out of their misery. More often than not the city just lets them die which is frustrating and sad.
Meth deer have patchy fur. Their head fur looks really healthy, but then they have hair missing along their bellies, legs or sides.
Meth deer are inbred and look funny. There is one buck whose antlers are so, so pitiful. One antler looks like a rams horn because of the way it curls and the other is toothpick thin and all wonky on his head. They also stare at you with a glassed over look.
Meth deer are mean. They have attacked my dog and charged at us all summer. One deer stalked me all the way around the block and charged at me twice. It was kind of scary because it was at night and I was alone and didn't have anything on me but for my cell phone.
Meth deer aren't really afraid of you and don't respond to apples being thrown at them, balls being thrown at them, water being thrown at them or my husband running straight at them.

Right now the only thing that works with the meth deer when they are in our yard is walking toward them with a shovel or a rake and waving it in the air.
Yesterday there was a big ole buck in my yard and being that it was snowing and I had shoveled my walkway, I grabbed my bright yellow shovel and walked out in to the yard.
I started waving it around and yelling at the evil thing. He looked at me and snorted a little, but didn't move.
So I walked closer and waved the shovel above my head. He got up and gave me the look that said, "One step closer and I'm going to impale you with my antlers."
So I stopped. I was right next to a tree so I took my shovel and whacked that tree as hard as I could.
Well, that worked and it scared him and he started to slowly move out of my yard.
But, remember how I mentioned that it had been snowing? Yeah, it snowed a lot and me whacking that tree caused all of the snow to fall off the branches and on to me.
I was covered from head to toe in snow.
It surprised me too. I was too focused on the deer to notice, so I squealed and apparently that noise freaked the deer out because once I did that he bolted out of our yard and across the street.
I was so drenched I had to trudge inside and throw my clothes in the dryer and towel off my hair.

I laughed about it afterward, but man oh man that could only happen to me.
The things we do just so our dogs can go out to go potty.

1 comment:

B said...

That is so scary. The deer that used to be there when my Aunt owned that house were pleasant. But I have heard that Helena has a bit of a deer problem. Ick!