WANTED: Currently searching for an able bodied, dedicated individual to assist one self-centered, deer pee loving princess of a Corgi in combating the army of squirrels that continually invade our yard and house walls.
JOB REQUIREMENTS: Looking for a taller than 1 foot individual whose ferocity is limitless when it comes to the total domination and destruction of Urocitellus columbianus of the species sciuridae, also known as squirrels. Hatred of squirrels is a MUST and all shots, including rabies, must be current. Candidate should be able to climb high locations, stare into the devilish eyes of squirrels without fear and be not afraid of, but is not limited to: bites, scratches, falling from trees, roofs or hillsides, possibly getting rabies, getting a floof of fur in your face or teeth or the threat of imminent death at the tiny paws of squirrels.
Bonus skills include:
- beebee gun shooting
- sling shot or archery mastery
- being taller than 1 foot with arms longer than 6-inches
- stalking and tracking
- being well-versed in squirrel chatter
- For example, are you able to understand that,"Squeak squeakin' squeak squeakity," means "My acorn is missing" in squirrel?
- any ninja skills
- Not afraid of blood or fur flying everywhere
- Being able to carry up to 25 pounds of Corgi
- Mastery of Microsoft Office