Wednesday, January 30, 2013


Sunday was interesting.
Jeff left town for Missoula early in the afternoon to start his spring semester of grad school.
Him leaving wasn't as tough on me this time as it was this time last year. Then I was pregnant, overly hormonal, and just completely unsure of the whole situation.
Now, him being gone is easier. We keep our schedules packed during the week so Friday and Daddy will get here that much faster.
I know why he is gone, I accept it. I know it is for the better.
If I dwell on negativity during this time it will only make the separation harder on myself, the kids and Jeff. I just need to keep my eyes on the prize and recognize that Jeff only has one year of school left and, hopefully, that year will fly by. December 2013 can't get here fast enough!

So there I was on Sunday, sick and alone with both boys. I had lost my voice and the sinus pressure between my eyebrows was enough to crush a coconut (weird reference, huh?).
I put Gib down for his nap and announced to Caderyn that we were going to have some quiet time. There would be no television, but he could play with his toys, read books, color or play games. Then I made myself horizontally challenged on the couch and rested my poor sinus clogged head while I watched Caderyn play.

He created an epic fight between Lighting McQueen and a T-Rex that spanned a battle across both the dining room and living room. There were explosions, horrible screams of pain, car parts, and dead dinosaurs strewn all over carpet.
Every book he owned was taken off the shelf. He pretended to read, he called out letters he recognized and the sounds they made, and he did commentary on the pictures.
He painted a colorful fireman. I mean, that fireman was blue, and green, and red, and yellow and orange, and purple. The fireman looked like a friend of Rainbow Brite.
He colored in his Cars coloring book, dictating to me how Lighting McQueen was red and Mater was brown, and, did I notice how he stayed in the lines?

Then, after about an hour, he got bored. He wandered into his room and grabbed his blanket. He padded over to me and climbed up on to the couch where I wrapped him in my arms.
We sat there, he and I, in a quiet and cozy house listening to the sound of our heater humming and the snores of the corgi from the couch across the room.
I thought about how this was one of those moments where I wished time would stop. Where the picture of myself and the little boy snuggled close to my chest would just freeze forever.
I thought about this as I tickled his back, smooched the top of his head and every so often would tighten my grasp around him in a little love squeeze.
After about five minutes he fell asleep. The boy who hates sleeping feel deep asleep in my arms.
And I sat just sat there and held him for probably 45-minutes until Gib woke up from his nap.
I sat there and I snuggled my oldest child.

I was so glad I got that time with him.
Sometimes, our life is moving so fast I forget I need to just take a timeout and hold him.
Sometimes, Gabriel is screaming, dinner needs to be served, and my phone is ringing off the hook and I notice that Caderyn is left more and more to his own devices.

So I held on to that time with him, I savored that moment. His warm little body collapsed against me and the deep breaths of him slumber puffing softly against my arms. I held my oldest baby and tried, for that short time, to transfer as much telepathic love as I could in those moments before our hectic lives picked up again.

No comments: