I have recently become quite attached to this YouTube channel called "Epic Rap Battles of History." They pose Rap Offs between greats/not so greats like Chuck Norris vs Abe Lincoln, Santa Claus vs Moses (who just so happens to be Snoop Dog...or Snoop Lion--whatever), and one of my favorites, Sarah Palin vs. Lady Gaga (see above).
So, despite the fact that my kids are ridiculously cute and I could post pictures of them daily, I'm going to post Rap Off lyrics here on my blog. Listen to the above video to get an idea of the cadence and beat we be battling to yo.
And here's my Rap Off: Me vs My Dog. Y'all are excited.
Oh boy, look what we have here
A Corgi with a complex
About her ginormous ears
Your butt looks like Dumbo
Walking in a thong
Even though we bathe you
You still smell like a hog
Put down that rawhide honey
close those stubby legs aaaaaand
Stop letting little squirrlies
Dominate your yard aand
You may be cute
But you ain't a lady at all.
I've seen the deer poop that you roll in
that craps illegal.
I think I'd rather be owned by a cat
Than live with you
You "think" you're a single mother?
"Thinking" it is worse than Catfishing Te'o
You are a lying
With two annoying, crying boys
That pester me to no end
Trust me, your youth it came and went
Go back to your blog
and post more about me
I'm way more famous
Your baby-making body
Couldn't even handle what I do
I think the truth is, Sarah,
my cuteness just scares you
Your cuteness doesn't scare me
I'm a mother of two
I've been pooped on, barfed on
and pushed them both out my hoo hoo.
You act like you're afraid of my four year old son
But when he drops food on the floor he's your one true love
I dominate your bed and hump your pillows
You took my lady bits so there would be no fellows
I don't belong in your family
I belong on the stage
I am the only member of this family
That should ever be famed.