Be-ith mine favorite followers checking in on me?
I used to be the center of these petty humans universe, but now I am demoted to nothing more than a furry little body they sometimes remember to acknowledge.
Oh woe be-ith me.
Would thou like a story?
It be-ith a good one.
Yesterday, the sun did come out a little more than normal.
It warmed the ground beneath my paws and melted more of the snow.
The female companion of mine did come home yesterday. She did not feel well, so she put on her stretchy pants and slippers, and let me go outside to maintain sentry on my yardly domain.
The squirrels are waging guerrilla warfare upon my yardly land. I must bark and jump at them multiple times so they understand just who is in charge around here.
Once I have exhausted all efforts against the squirrels and ensured that they are terribly frightened of me and hiding in their tree forts, I then proceed to make the rounds around my yard. I check the bushes and the trees, I pee on some new, unsmelling spot, I sniff the air.
On special days, especially when the snow melts, something new will pop up in my yard.
This particular melting day revealed the most delicious deer poo/pee concoction I had ever beheld...or smelled.
Something this glorious deserved to be reveled and idolized. As ruler of my yardly domain, I saw it fit that I be the first to glorify in this enchanting frozen odor ball that was still solidly stuck to the ground. It was just calling my name.
So I rolled in it. Oh, I rolled in it.
I rolled in it from the very tip of my nose all the way down to the very nails of my toes.
I smelled heavenly.
But, alas, my female companion saw me worshiping the smell from inside the house.
She put an end to my parade faster than a squirrel racing after a peanut.
How dare-th she? Does she not know who I am? Does she not know it is my yardly RIGHT to roll and exalt in the different odors and presents left in MY yard.
But, being the honorable dog daughter than I am, I obliged this female companion and adhered to her persistent calls for me to come inside.
Once I had crossed the threshhold of my home, the female companion proceeded to chase me around the house with a towel.
She kept hollering something about a "Bath" and I was all "No."
After five minutes of chasing, I was able to shield myself from her prying hands underneath the bed. Nothing she could do would get me out.
She tried to bribe me with treats and the leash. She tried to frighten me with the vacuum cleaner.
But I remained strong.
I still haven't had a bath yet. The female companion yells at me every time I try to get up on furniture...like I'm some commoner.
She has been giving me the eye most of the day...like she's got something planned for me.
I'm watching her.
I will NOT have another repeat like this fiasco.
Ugh. Look at how disgustingly clean I am.